Today was just another school day in the life of a mother of nine.
There was some moaning and grumbling about getting up.
Not a ton of interaction.
The first girl up was in a tired meltdown because she had no shirt to wear.
’That’s why dad asked you last night if you had everything ready for today.’
’He didn’t ask ME!’ (They’ll get ya on a technicality very time, he asked ALL the kids in the living room at the same time, so right, he didn’t say HER NAME.)
’So you’re telling me that as a middle schooler you were totally unaware until this very moment that you would need a shirt to go to school today?’
That’s when she pulls out the trump card; ‘You’re so MEAN!’
And I just have no argument for that one.
And five minutes later she’s dressed and standing in front of me as I’m scrubbing the bathroom toilet (these opportunities come at the strangest time) asking me to bring her to the bus stop.
So one kid got on the bus.
And one high schooler was waiting for his pants to dry.
And one girl was frying eggs and making toast.
One girl just waited patiently all ready to go.
And the oldest got up last, was ready in record time, and squeezed in time to play a game on his phone.
I dressed the 1st grader all the way to shoes before he even woke. (This takes away a big part of the battle when he starts saying ‘I don’t want to go to school’. )
I carried him downstairs talking the whole time:
’Are you hungry? I’ll get your backpack. What kind of sandwich do you want in your lunch.’
I guessed he’d be an easy one today because he was so sleepy. If I could just get him in the van before he got too aware then getting him out of the van at school would be the only struggle.
I didn’t get that lucky.
While I was helping other kids he sneaked off with his little brother and got very into a fun game and then while everyone else was waiting in the car, he insisted on cleaning up first.
The only time he has ever willingly cleaned up. And it wasn’t just a quick put the game away and let’s go.
I mean he had to round up that last dirty sock in the corner and put it in the hamper.
While I was getting him in, one girl had spilled egg yoke down her shirt front and now we had a new and improved meltdown from a different girl about not having a shirt to wear.
I left without that one.
One girl was very concerned with what kind of chips were in her lunch (store brand chips are so uncool) and what vehicle they were getting dropped off in.
The 15 passenger van is even more uncool than store brand chips.
First she begged to ride in the smaller more passable as cool, older Toyota Highlander.
I didn’t want to make 7 kids squish in there so I drove the biggie.
I had to drop her off on the side of the school, and then drive right past her to drop the others off up front.
That painful middle school pride.
So tempting to honk and wave at her.
I called and excused the whole lot for being late while I was still in the school parking lot and then me and the four year old headed home.
And rides with a four year old make life so grand.
’Mom did you know the thing that’s the most on the earth is grass?’
’If I had a lamb, I would pet it and be so nice to it.’
’Can you make me a wood sword?’
’We need three dogs.’
’I just want pop!’
And on and on and my mind wanders until I hear:
‘Mom if there’s a bad guy, you just cut his bane right here in his neck, this big one-SLICE.’
So ‘bad guys’ beware if you make it past the dog and the frazzled mom with the cast iron frying pan, there is still an attack four year old, with possibly some jujitsu and hand to throat combat training.
Or just older brothers and a big imagination.
And now to get that last resisting girl out the door and to school.
If you know any tricks about getting eight kids to the bus on time, lemme know.